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Jacob Gavin's Captivating LiveJournal
El Diario Vivo Interesante de Jacobo Gavino
I've got that credit *scratch scratch scratch* 
21st-Mar-2012 10:50 am
roulette
Whenever life has been getting me down, or I'm just not excited enough with my day to day affairs, I spend lots of money.  It makes me feel better.When I was in Vegas I blew through about $1500.  Now granted, part of that was a loan to Joe-Steve that it seems I will never get back.  That's kind of okay, because if Vegas were the last time I see him or Jaysen, my life would be perfectly fine.

Part of spending money for me is gaining weight.  A lot of the money I spend is on food and alcohol.  I've got to get my shit together.  It feels so much harder o be healthy here than it was in Biloxi.  I miss a lot of things about Biloxi a lot.  I see a path through Blockbuster that I could have made things work out, but I will never go back.  And Memphis would never be the same.  I just want to move away from all of this.  I never want to run into someone I went to school with ever again.  I don't want to stand out.  I just want to be one of the millions of fish.

One of the things that's getting me down is being good at my job.  I try to stay humble, but I'm better at my job than anyone else there.  And I hate the little remarks that people make tying together degradation and a compliment.  I'm tired of the sarcasm.  Just get the fuck over it that I know what I'm doing.  You should to.  A fifth grader could do what we do.

And so I continue, digging myself farther into a hole of debt, trudging bitter and angry into the abyss...
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