Whenever life has been getting me down, or I'm just not excited enough with my day to day affairs, I spend lots of money. It makes me feel better.When I was in Vegas I blew through about $1500. Now granted, part of that was a loan to Joe-Steve that it seems I will never get back. That's kind of okay, because if Vegas were the last time I see him or Jaysen, my life would be perfectly fine.
Part of spending money for me is gaining weight. A lot of the money I spend is on food and alcohol. I've got to get my shit together. It feels so much harder o be healthy here than it was in Biloxi. I miss a lot of things about Biloxi a lot. I see a path through Blockbuster that I could have made things work out, but I will never go back. And Memphis would never be the same. I just want to move away from all of this. I never want to run into someone I went to school with ever again. I don't want to stand out. I just want to be one of the millions of fish.
One of the things that's getting me down is being good at my job. I try to stay humble, but I'm better at my job than anyone else there. And I hate the little remarks that people make tying together degradation and a compliment. I'm tired of the sarcasm. Just get the fuck over it that I know what I'm doing. You should to. A fifth grader could do what we do.
And so I continue, digging myself farther into a hole of debt, trudging bitter and angry into the abyss...