Twenty-four hours I sat in the heat
Just to be one of the first ones to eat
The burgers that I love and want the most
Gone too long from the MS Gulf Coast.
Around the building still circles the line
It's worth the wait and none of us mind.
So Gulfport Krystal, we welcome you back!
I'm headed there now to pick up a sack :)
So now that I have time, I'm gonna finish the update from the previous entry. Adam and I both were really excited about a job that we interviewed bartending at a really nice hotel here making $6/hour. Seemed like a really great opportunity, but they never called us back. I've been really nervous about the job I have at the airport and may even be doing a little bit of self-sabotage now that there's potential for me to have a replacement job. See, nothing is set in stone or anything, but they need someone else in Gifting at the resort, and if nothing else, that would save me money in gas to be back working close to where I live again. The strong potential downside would be that I would be working with the people who I live with, but that could strengthen our relationship and serve as a transition into a new phase of actual friendship between all of us. The most recent interactions I've had with the roommates have been less than positive, so I would definitely be down to just make things better if that was an option, instead of seeking a new place to live, which doesn't really seem viable under my current financial restraints.
The other day, Saturday, I believe, I came into the house to get chastised for how bad my turtles smelled. Linda told me that she had spent all the money that i had just given her for groceries on air fresheners. There'd been some other little things happen lately that have made me feel uncomfortable living in that house, but I'm also really sensitive right now because I'm so stressed. Well, I talked to Linda on Sunday, and it turns out she had been in a pretty bad place for the past couple days because of bad news from the doctor, which is one of the reasons they're looking for me to do the job in Gifting. I could one day be Linda's replacement if she were to get really sick. Anyway, I bought some new turtle supplies yesterday due to a generous donation by my grandmother, and hopefully everything starts to feel a little more calm over the next few days.
Blockbuster, oh Blockbuster, is playing me like everybody else has. We're waiting for me to be uploaded into their system, so I got sent home yesterday and told not to come in today. At least that will assure that when I do start working that I will get paid, but Jesus Christ. Adam's still jobless-ish, too, as the fishing boat hasn't paid him anything yet. We've both always got good leads, but then bad results.
Katy Dawn's wedding is very quickly sneaking up on me, and I don't think I was really prepared for what all this is going to entail. I want Dawn to have the best wedding ever, but I feel kind of useless from down here in Biloxi. I also realized that I am not even close to being financially prepared for some of the obligations, so I did something that I'll be kicking myself for down the road: I applied for a special "wedding credit card." There's not really anything special about the credit card, other than the fact that all I could get approved for right now is a $500 limit, an annual fee, and a 24.9% APR. The only thing that makes it "wedding" is that I'm going to hold that card specifically for wedding expenses. After Dawn's wedding, I'm still going to have other weddings to participate in, travel to, and buy gifts for, so I'll try my damndest to get it paid off in time for the next wedding to charge it back up again. I feel like $500 should be about what I should spend on a wedding as a brides/groomsman, although I would love to do more. And I know that everyone knows how hard it is for everybody right now, but I'm committed to making this work, one way or the other!
I know that things will get better soon, but I've been telling myself that since I got out of college, and really the whole time I was in college too. All I can do is try to appreciate the good climate and the good friends I have left and keep trying to be healthy. I mean, I've been living a much healthier lifestyle without money, and that really should mean a lot. Maybe I'll be at my goal weight by the time of Dawn's wedding. That would at least be something to be proud of.
- Mood:artificially hopeful
What. A. Month. July was intense to say the least.
I'm gonna start with the Memphis trip. ( Part 1: Canoeing with ChrisCollapse )( Part 2: Bat MitzvahCollapse )( Part 3: Brittstravaganza!Collapse )
Life since the Memphis trip has been kind of rough. My mom did give me way more money than I had expected, and my grandparents sent me off with nothing but some shirts that Pop-pop didn't want. I continued the job hunt, which at times felt more like begging, and I've finally got a new job, which I start today, at the Blockbuster. July 26th was actually a pretty important day in the life of Jacob. Through strange karma, my phone committed suicide. It was like Final Destination
. My phone somehow was supposed to have been lost in that river, but it made it through. So now I have a new phone, that's the day I got the job, I gave my old laptop to Adam, I took out my neck ring (due to a missing ball and it being slightly crooked and off-center), and I got two new (to me) pet turtles. I've actually go to head off to the new job now, but I'll try to update more often. Hasta!
I am very proud to be the newest crew member of the IP Casino Resort Spa in Biloxi, MS!!!
I can't believe I've finally made it into a casino career! I've been working so hard for this for the past couple years, and this is absolutely surreal. It was unofficial on the 24th, but I wanted to wait until all of my paperwork
and my drug screening were complete before I made any kind of announcement.
I went through wardrobe today, and I'm super stoked about my uniform. It's a tan suit (which is washer-safe!) with the most gorgeous blue button-up shirt. I've got a parking decal for my car. I've got a badge. Only thing I don't have yet is my nametag which I'll pick-up at orientation on Wednesday. Seriously freaking-out excited.
I was supposed to have had an interview today with USAirways Express, and I went to the airport to go do it, but then when I got there, I didn't actually interview. There were a lot of people waiting, and the job didn't pay as well, so I just said to Hell with it. The casino job will work out much better to allow me to continue working at the airport for Grand Crowne and all of the benefits that come along with that.
I'm just so excited, I can't wait. Now how to tell Grand Crowne I got a second job without losing my salary from them, that may take some skill...
Should have great news tomorrow, but first, I want to point out something that completely caught me off-guard. I AM ALREADY OVER MY MINUTES!?! There's still a week left in the billing cycle, so I'm royally effed. I have 700 minutes a month, and I have NEVER gone over before. I've been over on texts and data, but I think the most minutes I've ever used was probably 600. I'm ALREADY at 855. It's $.45 a minute when you go over, so by the end of the month I figure I'll owe an extra $100 or so. Now I could always change plans, but the next plan is $20 more per month, and I really feel like this is the exception, not the rule. I don't want to get stuck with something I don't need if I'm not using it. I'm gonna call Verizon tomorrow and get it all worked out.
So why did this happen? This has been a very strange month. I've been quitting jobs, searching for jobs, applying for unemployment, figuring out what happened to my money, and that's not to mention everything unusual going on with my friends right now. So I looked online to see what pushed me over. Of course it was pretty spread out, but here's the results for some of my most frequent contacts, with about 130 billed minutes not accounted for:
- Granny 174
- Joe-Steve 128 (VZW in-network)
- Sue 117 (+3 for Barb)
- Mom 105
- Dad 103
- Adam 98
- Rachel 69
- Shelly (my sister) 49
- Katy Dawn 48 (VZW in-network)
- TN Unemployment 45
- Michelle (NY) 18
When I first saw that I was over, I immediately blamed Joe-Steve and his never-ending drama that resulted in him moving to Texas. Thing is, he's got a VZW phone, so it's free cuz he's in. Dawn's in, too, so we can talk as much as we like. Granny's got a VZW cell phone, in fact, it's on my plan, but she never uses it. I always get to talk to her house, which costs me money. Sue and Barb, my managers, account for 120 minutes of that, which I suppose was inevitable, but that's new to me. Between Unemployment, Grand Crowne, SPMI, and everybody else I had to talk to, I bet I used over 100 minutes trying to find a way to get reimbursed for the money Grand Crowne owes me. Most of the rest of my minutes used were dealing with me moving or not moving. Looks like I would use about 15 minutes a day if it weren't for special situations. Something else to note, I wanted to see which days of the week I used the phone most. It looks like my peak phone usage is on Thursdays, and the least is on Monday.
Average minutes used by day:
- Monday - 33
- Tuesday - 45 (or 101 incl. 6/7*)
- Wednesday - 59
- Thursday - 80
- Friday - 59
- Saturday - 43
- Sunday - 43
*On Tuesday, June 7, I used 214 minutes in one day. Damn. I'm leaving this out of the averages, since that is more than double the number of minutes I used any other day of the month.
I just know that my phone usage will fade back to normal next month since I have some stability again. I need to talk to granny though about using her cell phone. Most of our conversations run 3-5 minutes, but they can add up quickly!
I'm a very introspective person, and over the years I've come up with a lot of principles of being me that I'd love to get together in one place. This may be an epic undertaking, but this entry is going to serve as a bit of a personal mission statement.
- People like me for all of me, my good qualities and my bad. I come as a full package, and anyone who doesn't want all of me may not deserve to have me in their life.
- Different people serve different purposes in my own life. While I may not like all of someone's qualities, as long as I can justify that I want someone in my life, I have to accept them for all of them. At the same time, I strive to get to know all that I can about people's personalities so that I know what to expect.
- There are people in my life who I accept as family. These people must earn their position in my life, but once they're to that point, if something happens and they disappear from my life, they're still a part of my life, and I will be there if they ever need me. Along with that level of loyalty comes a potential for never-ending hatred if the other person spitefully and intentionally hurts me.
- There are many people in the world that do not deserve any of my time or energy, including beggars and ghetto black people.
- I do not have to respect or appreciate soldiers or veterans or honor America just out of principle. I just don't care.
- Israel deserves its freedom, and that, I would fight for. Jews have been oppressed forever and must have a safe place to call their own.
- Society as a whole will not do what's best for itself when left to its own free will. The well-off will look out for the well-off, and undesirables will fall into a dismal abyss. I will always be politically liberal and progressive.
- The above statement includes myself. I will expect my government to provide for the people outside of my life, and I will donate to charities I believe in at my discretion, but I will first and foremost take care of those people close to me. You have to work hard to earn a place in my life, and you should be rewarded for that.
- It is a privilege to have me in your life.
- If I'm not happy, and something in my life is standing in the way, I will not be happy until the obstacle is overcome. If it is worth changing, I will change it. If it isn't, I will evaluate it, change my perspective, and accept it.
- I thrive on accomplishment and achievement.
- I will be brave. Every moment and experience is an opportunity.
- Logic and instinct will guide me down the right path. If the two are in conflict, I will seek a different option.
- I'm not a pet person or a kid person. I like some other people's pets and kids, but I have no desire to have any of my own. Plants are good enough.
- Dancing is good for my body. Music is good for my soul.
- Love, charity, money, power--these are not the ultimate goals; happiness is. Attain and spread happiness any way you can.
- Sexual orientation is exactly that--orientation. That means that it is self-identification. No one can tell you what you are but you. I am gay because I could not live in a monogamous relationship with a woman. I also am not attracted to black men or Asian men. That doesn't mean that I can't have sex with whoever I want.
- I enjoy and accept my sexual behaviors and appreciate my privacy. If I want to tell someone details, that is at my discretion, but I don't owe that information to anyone other than a monogamous partner.
- It is okay for me to put my financial well-being on a pedestal. One day I will have a larger budget to work with, but it should always be budgeted.
- Fixing small things in my life makes fixing big things easier. Quantity is intimidating, and it's okay to take care of small things when the big things are overwhelming.
- I will sleep in my car if I want to, I don't have to eat if I don't want to, and I don't have the energy to address people worrying about me when I feel they shouldn't.
- If I don't want it, I don't use it, and I don't like it, I can throw it away if I want to.
- There is no reason to look back. I learn from my experiences, and there are certain things I am committed to never ever ever do again, e.g. jobs where I get paid tips or commission.
- I should always have something to look forward to. It is important for me to set aside time for me to do things I want to do, especially adventures.
- I will always be chemically unbalanced, and I am too smart to let that affect my life. I can overcome my brain misfiring because I understand why I feel bad when I feel bad and why I sometimes feel good spontaneously.
- No matter where I am when Dolly dies, I will return to Pigeon Forge (hopefully to meet Katy Dawn) and hold vigil to her memory.
- Get your dreams in line and then just shine, design, refine til they come true, and you better get to livin'.
- It's all about the climb.
- I am so glad I chose to do drugs and that I no longer choose to do drugs.
- I'm so glad for all the times I live life to the fullest. I have the most amazing memories, and I have a lot more yet to come.
For the past few years I have been toying with what tattoo I should get. I don't want anything typical, dragon, tribal, etc.; I want something unique to me. The idea was always something that ties together the aspects I feel made me who I am. I had this thought of a little precious moments kind of scene with a boy on the side of a hill under a tree wearing a tallis and yamaka with mountains and a rainbow in the background. I can't come up with a good way to make it a little more masculine and mature. Then I started thinking about the idea of having the Tennessee and Mississippi flags across each other ("X"). I have finally come up with a decision: ( Drumroll please...Collapse )
Now that the kitty is gone, I kinda miss him. All that's here to remind me of him is the litter strewn about the corner, the frays of carpet all over the floor, and my deflated air mattress that I'm using more like a sleeping bag. We had some good times and some bad times, but overall, I'm going to miss the kitty. Ever since the dogs ate Foley the Foliage, I've been all alone in my frigid quarters. At least Frankie's not that far away. I can still go visit him when I have the chance. It's just not quite the same around here without him. Adios Francisco, mi amigato.
My old compy has died. He had computer cancer for a good while now, and it was just his time to go. So after some budgetary Hell, I now present Lenny the Lenovo!
He's not quite as shiny as the old compy, and I'm still getting used to the new keyboard, but so far so good!
Now on to all the other aspects of life...
Adam and I are no longer friends. At all. He's a compulsive liar, and I couldn't put forth the effort to keep up with him. He'd wear me out, if only because he'd never stop talking. I never moved back into La Chateau; I've been living the past month with a few of my co-workers in the marketing trailer from Branson. We're in a house in a nice neighborhood, just off of the bay, which I love. Now all the reasons I hate it, lol:
- It's freezing cold.
- It smells like dog.
- My roommates play loud shoot-em-up video games all night.
- It's completely the opposite direction from my other friends and things to do.
- These people want to be my friends, and I just want a calm, peaceful place to sleep.
Other than that, it's pretty cool. My share of the rent is very small, yet still unaffordable at the moment. Money, as usual, is absolutely terrible. I've really dug myself into a hole. I'd been doing so well with money when I was living at home, kinda, but since I've been down here, I've really fucked things up. I'm trying not to worry
, but I still have to be careful. I can only pay for the things I can afford. What I can't, I can't, and that's life.
I've been hanging out with Chris (another co-worker) a lot, and he's really, really sick. He's pretty much dying, but he's in denial of what's really going on. It's like since he can't afford to go to the doctor, he's barely even trying. I don't know what people are supposed to do in this country when they make barely too much to get Medicaid but don't make enough to afford any healthcare at all, let alone insurance. It's tough watching my best friend down here in pain all the time, always throwing up, barely able to eat anything, but we're just doing what we can to stay in good spirits. We've been going out a lot, a lot more than either of us can afford, but I want to do what I can to help him (and myself) stay happy. You know, Suze Orman would say that when we're financially and physically healthy, it'd be a lot easier for us to be happy, but we're talking about two guys who are feeling hopeless and have addictive personalities. For Chris, it's alcohol, and for me lately it's been food. I'm in need of a motivational speaker about now, lol.
Work's been okay, but I'm still looking forward to moving on to something else. I had a little setback on that front due to one of my managers from work, but everything happens for a reason. I'm a product of my own choices, and I've got to continue to convince myself that I am strong enough to climb out of this temporary run of misfortune.
One of the things they pound into our heads at work is this concept of "the wheel." It applies to many different aspects of the business, but one of the ideas is that over time everything is cyclical, or at least it should be. Much of life is left to chance. Well, I'm going through a rough spot right now. I know everything will come back again with time, but you never know where the bottom will be before life starts to pull you back up again.
There's been a lot of drama at home and down here, especially with my roommate. I plan to move out of the hotel (La Hacienda) and back into the apartment (La Chateau). Things aren't going to work out to allow me to be Adam's friend and his roommate. Looks like it's going to be one or the other. I do hope he understands. I've got a position down here that I'm very interested in, but if that doesn't work out, I am 100% absolutely positively going back to East Tennessee. I don't really want this to happen, but I'm not going to let living down here financially strangle me. I'm already in such a hard place, it's going to take a whole lot of luck to actually be in a stable place if I have to move home.
Well, I wish I had more time, but I've got to head out. It's $9.99 buffet night at the Hard Rock, and I've got a souvenir to buy for Rachel from Grand Crowne back home. Time to stuff my face :)